The Horrorscope:

Meena’s parents were struggling to marry her off. Things were not working out. Meena was educated, beautiful, amiable and confident. Yet, marrying her off was an endeavor in itself. It was not that there were no alliances. Alliances come and go but things never work out. At 36, if she does not get married now, things will certainly get worse. Most of the marriage proposals that came were from families who firmly believed in ‘horoscope’ matching. Without that, they never go ahead. There were some suitors who really liked Meena, the horoscopes were also perfect, but things never went ahead. The reason for that? Well Meena’s parents kept that a secret. Secret, because if they blurted out the secret, it will be very difficult to make people understand and whatever hopes they have for Meena’s wedding, will go down the drain.

The secret is, Meena is possessed by the devil. Only her parents and her closest family members know about it. This devil does not let Meena get married. The entire family is tight lipped about this. However, the day is not far when people will come to know about it. Before that, Meena had to be married off.

Today, a marriage proposal came up. The boy was from a decent family. They had a successful car showroom business. The boy was ‘handsome’. Yes, ‘Handsome’ was the apt word to define him. With a height of 6 feet, sturdy structure, sharp features, dusky complexion, the boy was an epitome of good looks. At the age of 38, he looked more like he was in his late twenties. He was a ‘manglik’ as per his horoscope. Hence the delay in marriage. Meena’s parents were okay with the ‘manglik’ attribute because apparently Meena was also a ‘manglik’. So, to sum it up, Meena was possessed and Manglik at the same time. Hence, getting a proposal like this was an ambrosial feeling for Meena’s family. However, the family was hell worried. What if when Meena starts talking to the boy, the devil wakes up? This marriage will also get ruined. No no, the family cannot let this happen. They will not let Meena and boy meet and talk till the marriage is solemnised.

The horoscopes were checked. Every attribute matched perfectly. The boy and his family came to see Meena. The boy fell for Meena immediately. He was spellbound by her sophistication and beauty. She was not only beautiful but also immensely intelligent. He was adamant. He will marry her no matter what. His family members laughed and said, ‘The horoscopes match perfectly. There is no reason for us or the girl and her family to not like you. Hence we are sure this marriage will take place with pomp and show.’

Meena did not get a chance to talk to the boy, but she too liked him. He was super good looking and the family was good. He was earning well too. But then, the worst thing happened. The devil in her woke up. Tomorrow, her parents are going to meet the boy’s family to finalise the wedding. Before that she had to talk to him. She had heard his voice when he had come down to see her. He had a baritone voice. She loved it. However, a proper conversation never happened. The devil in her decided to talk to the boy, rather ‘chat’ with the boy. She did not have his phone number. She somehow coaxed her youngest cousin, to get the boy’s phone number stealthily. Once she got the number, she immediately grabbed her phone and texted him. The conversation was this:

Meena : Hi!

He (typing fast): Hiiiiii!

Meena (smiling and saying to herself), ‘Seems he likes me.’ She then continued typing,

Meena: How are you? I wanted to talk to you but I did not get a chance yesterday. I thought this will be a good time, hence messaged you.

The boy typed for a long time.

Meena could see that he was typing something.

Finally, his message came up:

He: i m fyn. h r u? i ws did nt wnt 2 dstrb u. i m hpy, our horrorscopes mtched. u r vry btfl.

After reading the message, Meena took the phone and showed the text messages to her mom. The devil had woken up. Meena’s mom now knew that this was the end of the story. Meena will never marry this guy. She had rejected other proposals for similar reasons. Meena was possessed by the English Grammar Devil. She cannot tolerate incorrect grammar, spelling errors and self invented acronyms and abbreviations.

Next morning Meena’s dad called up the boy’s dad and cancelled the marriage. The matching horoscopes became ‘horrorscopes’.